well, all these too cryptic and poetic entries speak volumes regarding how much discomfort and fear i've experienced lately at the hands of change. i've weathered it and feel a bit older, but also as though i've entering a new era, begun a new chapter.
quinn has moved in with another girl. i can't really say whether i like her much or not. i'd say more not than do ... but i don't know her well and of course in my situation, why would i like her? not much incentive there. i was with quinn for 11 years ... and now it is over. and though i know as much as we say it won't happen, we are going to drift apart. it's already happening. i have some great memories though. and some sad ones as well.
the woman he has moved in with was engaged to and living with another man at the time quinn and i broke up. now she is living with quinn. she didn't have anything to do with the choice quinn and i made so i'll keep any wayward thoughts about the awkwardness of that situation to myself. he knew this woman in college and at that time i was told she was a lesbian. things change. she was also one of a small group of friends that quinn and i often had over to our home or accompanied to dinner or movies. i've not seen any of them since he moved out. they were his friends from college and i was only in the group by association anyway. i do ask about them now and then and miss them ... but it's not likely we will ever get together as one group again. they are his friends and his support network. i respect that boundary. i'm not at all bitter and i only wish quinn happiness. he's a big boy and should be able to take care of himself. i really really do hope he will find happiness. he's a sweet guy and i still, and always will, love him lots. perhaps over time, if we don't drift too far apart, i will find reason to like her as well. its not imperitive, it's not like i'm dying to go have dinner with them. i would be very uncomfortable.
maybe i'm being too open for your entertainment now. nothing cryptic and nothing hidden in poetry. just raw. it's great therapy though. so, don't worry about me. i'm feeling strong and independant. i've got great friends to lean on as needed and one of them is even becoming quite significant. *smiles* more about him later. :)
the day before . the day after
